A New Kind of Horrible
by cuddlebearlove
Summary: Fourth in the series. Draco and Harry should know better than to antagonize Snape. His revenge: 'the talk' with Hagrid.


Disclaimer: Not mine

A/N: Wow. I have been inundated with suggestions for this series. A lot of people have asked me to continue it, and have offered all kinds of ideas. I am going to attempt to honor as many of those as possible. That being said, here is part four.

A New Kind of Horrible

Harry, Ron and Hermione sat in the Great Hall eating breakfast. It had taken a week, but Hermione had finally forgiven Harry. Ron was never really that upset; he still found the whole talk with McGonagall funny. This greatly annoyed Hermione as well.

"What class do we have next?" Ron asked.

"Ronald, it is February. Why do you not have your schedule memorized yet?" Hermione asked.

"Why should I bother? You know all our schedules already."

"One of these days I am going to send you to the wrong class on purpose." she muttered mutinously. "It's Care of Magical Creatures."

"Cool. Hagrid's class."

"Speaking of Hagrid," Harry said, "what do you suppose him and Snape are discussing?"

Hermione and Ron looked up at the head table to discover both teachers deep conversation. Hagrid looked at Harry, then turned his gaze to the Slytherin table. He slowly nodded and Snape stood, looking very pleased with himself.

As the trio trudged down to Hagrid's hut, they speculated on what Snape could have been talking about with their favorite professor.

"Maybe it was something to do with You Know Who." Ron suggested.

"No. They wouldn't be talking about something like that in the middle of the Great Hall." Hermione said. "Maybe it was the tournament."

"If it were the tournament, why did he look at the Slytherin table, too?" questioned Harry.

"Maybe we were wrong. He could have been looking at the Hufflepuff table. Cedric was there this morning." Ron said.

"Somehow, I doubt it." Harry said.

"Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure it was nothing." Hermione reassured.

Hagrid was very nervous all through Care of Magical Creatures. He kept glancing at Harry and Draco, giving them suspicious glances. By the time the bell rung, he was near hysterics.

"Class dismissed. Harry, Malfoy, yeh need ter come here."

Draco and Harry looked at each other curiously. Neither had done anything in class that would merit being held back. Hagrid was walking to his hut, so Draco walked over to Harry.

"Do you know what's going on?"

"Didn't you see Hagrid talking with your dear godfather this morning?"

"No. What were they talking about?"

"I'm not sure, but I have a bad feeling. Do you remember when you jokingly asked Snape about half-giants?"

"Yeah." Draco said, clearly not seeing where Harry was going with this.

"And what is Hagrid?"

"An oaf."

"Think back to Rita's article." Harry encouraged.

"He's a half-giant." Draco suddenly exclaimed, looking quite pleased with himself.

"You look far too happy to truly understand what that means."

"What are you- oh no bloody way. I am not about to get a sex lecture from a half-breed."

"I think we are and don't call Hagrid that."

"No." said Draco, suddenly looking devastated. "Sev wouldn't do that to me."

"Now, Draco, how many times has he told you not to call him Sev?"

"Shove it, Potter."

"Back to last names, then?"

"This is a travesty." Moaned the Slytherin.

By this time, they had reached Hagrid's hut. Both boys followed Hagrid inside and sat at his massive table. Hagrid went about fixing tea. His hands were shaking and he appeared to be hyperventilating. He grabbed a bottle of Firewhiskey off the counter and took a huge gulp of it. This had the desired effect of calming his nerves. He then placed cups of tea and a plate of what could have been scones in front of the teens.

"Professor Snape had a word with me this mornin'." Hagrid stated.

"Oh, really?" Harry asked innocently.

"said yeh boys had some questions."

Draco looked postitively scared.

"Questions about what?" asked Harry. He had decided ignorance would be the best way to handle this situation.

"Bout me kind."

"Your kind of what?" asked Harry as he glanced at Draco. The other boy appeared to be dazed.

"Malfoy, are yeh alrigh'?" Hagrid asked.

"Hm?"

"Are yeh alrigh'?"

"That really depends on what you mean by alright." Draco answered.

"Okay, then." Hagrid continued. "Snape said yeh wanted ter know how half-giants are made."

Draco let out an odd mumbled shriek, but said nothing.

"Now, um, I spose I should start with the actual sex-

"Ahh." Draco shrieked, again.

"That's okay, Hagrid." Harry explained. "We were only giving Snape a hard time. We don't really need to hear this."

"It's nothin' ter be embarrassed of, Harry. There's no shame in wantin' information. Now if the woman is the giant, an' the man is a human, then they are together fer true love. Obviously, it isn't very good fer the woman, cause she's so big and he is so small."

"Oh, Merlin." Draco said.

"In that case, though, havin' children is easy, seein' as the woman is equipped ter have giant children, and a child with a human would not be that big."

Hagrid nodded to himself, then took another huge drink of Firewhiskey. Then he continued.

"Now if the man is a giant, and the woman is a human, then it is real painful fer her, as she is so small an' he is so big. Most of the time the woman will die givin' birth, cause the baby is too big. Sometimes the woman will die during sex, cause the man is too big. Do yeh know what I mean by too big?"

"Yes." yelled Draco and Harry at once, both terrified that he might go into greater detail if he thought they had doubts.

"Do yeh have any questions?" Hagrid asked.

"Why me?" asked Draco.

"No, I think that about covers it, Hagrid. Thanks so much for taking the time to explain this. We need to be going now." Harry said, jumping up.

"Not so fast, boys. Why were yeh so anxious ter know bout half-giants. Do either of you have your eye on one?"

"Where would we know a half-giant from?" asked Draco, suddenly coherent again.

"Come now, Draco. You don't have to be embarrassed." Harry said, smiling evilly. "You were just saying the other day how charming Madam Maxime is."

Draco threw one of the rock-like scones at Harry's head, then chanced a look at Hagrid.

Hagrid grunted, but said nothing.

"Well, if that's all, I think we should be going. We already missed our next class, and it's lunchtime now." Harry said.

Harry and Draco left the hut in a run. When they were almost back at the castle, Draco turned to the other boy.

"I'm going to kill my godfather."

"Good. I've said for ages now that someone should." Harry responded.

"We need revenge."

"I'm sure we'll think of something. I'm worried now about what Professor McGonagall is going to do."

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked.

"Well, when Ron, Hermione and I had 'the talk' from her last week-"

Draco started chuckling. As Harry filled him in on what had happened, he began almost crying with laughter.

"You've had 'the talk' from four different people?"

"In three weeks." answered Harry.

The two parted ways in the Great Hall. Draco was still laughing as he sat at the Slytherin table. Harry heard someone ask him what was so funny, but Draco only shook his head.

"So what did Hagrid want?" Ron asked as Harry sat down.

"To tell Draco and me about the conception of half-giants."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, Ron."

"But why?"

"Snape did it to get back at us for what we did to him."

"That didn't make a lot of sense, Harry." Hermione said.

"Let's just drop it. I am far to traumatized to carry on with this discussion."

"Oh, it will be alright, Harry." Hermione said. "Just remember, it could always be worse."

"How could it be worse?" asked Ron, amused at the little game this had turned into.

"It could have been-"

"Shut up, Hermione." Harry said, before she could finish.

A/N: I so appreciate all my reviewers of this series. I hope this lives up to your expectations. I think I already have the next one planned, but feel free to continue making suggestions. This one is dedicated to Aku (Ryu-Tsui-sen). As I said at the top, I'm going to attempt to get to everyone's suggestions. This may end up being a rather long series. Thanks again and please review.


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